Goodbye
by Rei Minomiko
Summary: Someone's POV of someone's death...kinda sad...please R&R!!!


Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have absolutely nothing. Get off my case.  
  
Author's Notes: Due to a severe case of laziness and brain-cell deterioration, I haven't been able to write anything for the sequel to Destiny. I sure hope you guys don't mind the delay (much). I WILL make a sequel, I promised you that. It's just that it's taking a lot longer than I bargained for.   
Anyway, this fic idea came to me while listening to Sarah McLachlan's 'Surfacing' album one rainy Wednesday morning. I realized that I'd never actually tried creating a sad, melancholy fic on our two favorite CCS people. I hope you guys enjoy this, though it IS quite sad. It's my first, see, and I do hope that you'll appreciate this just as much as you did my other works.   
  
***** song lyrics (Artists will be named and credited as I go along. All these songs are being used without permission)  
  
Goodbye by rei-chan  
  
*****  
  
So tell me where do I start?  
'Coz it's breaking my heart  
I don't want to let you go...(1)  
  
*****  
  
Three years.   
  
Three very long, very frustrating years.   
  
I can't believe that that much time has already passed since you left me. Our memories seemed like they were yesterday, all clear and untarnished through time even though it's actually been years since I last gazed into your beautiful eyes and held your hand.   
  
I've been torturing myself this whole time, I know that. But what can I do? I haven't loved, or attempted to love, anyone else since that fateful day you were taken away from me.   
  
I couldn't lose you. I still can't, up to this time, but the constraints of the memory of your eyes and your smile seems to be taking its' toll on me. I haven't been working well, sleeping well...   
  
I haven't been living well.  
  
I still love you, though. With my whole heart and my entire soul.  
  
It's just that I've realized that to truly redeem myself, I have to be cleansed off the old me, and be born as a new person. A person free to live a new life again.  
  
I have to be free from the weight of your memory.  
  
I have to let you go, no matter how much it may hurt me. And you, for that matter.  
  
I have to move on.  
  
Both of us have to move on.  
  
*****  
  
Letting love go is never easy  
But I love you so that's why I'll set you free...(2)  
  
*****  
  
I'm not really sure at this point if I am doing the right thing, kneeling in front of you, attempting to smile even as my heart breaks for the second time.   
  
I am sure of one thing, though.   
  
This may or may not be the right thing for me to do, but in my heart, it feels wrong.  
  
A million times wrong.  
  
Xiaran feels this is wrong, too.  
  
I hope you still remember him. It's been three years since you last held him, and though I may be trying my hardest to be a good parent, I can't really say that my presence and love for him can fill the gap that you left in his heart. Anyway, just so you know, when I dropped him off at Eriol's and Tomoyo's place earlier before I went to you, he called me three kinds of an idiot. In three different languages, I might add. I privately believe that Eriol has had too much influence on our son.  
  
Tomoyo has shot over 40 videos of Xiaran so far this month.  
  
That girl and her camera...  
  
Anyway, going back to the subject. Your son and I feel that this--the whole idea of letting you go--is wrong.   
  
But I'm going to do it anyway.  
  
I HAVE to do this if I want to save my sanity.  
  
And I love you too much to let you suffer any more than you already are. It's better that I end all of this, and stop both our pining, our longing, and our wishing...  
  
You and I might have had the past and maybe a bit of the present together.  
  
But the future just doesn't seem to have our names together written in its' pages.  
  
I love you, always and forever, koishii. And no matter what happens, it'll stay that way.   
  
Forever.  
  
But from this moment on, you're free.  
  
*****  
  
It's the hardest thing I ever had to do  
To turn around and walk away pretending I don't love you...(3)  
  
*****  
  
It's hard, isn't it? Having to let go of the only person who means the whole world to you.  
  
And it hurts, deeply, like a part of my soul is being torn away.  
  
The light of my life that was you has gone out, leaving me in total darkness, helpless and alone.  
  
But this is the only way for me to be able to find myself. To die in your memory.  
  
To die in OUR memory.  
  
It's just like that quote, isn't it? That to be able to redeem one's self--and live again--one must die, and forget.  
  
I have died.   
  
And in a few weeks, months, or maybe even years, I'll eventually learn to forget.  
  
Then I will live again. Live a new life that is free from you.  
  
Free from the haunting memories of US.  
  
But I still love you.  
  
*****  
  
I know I can't be with you  
I'd do what I have to do...(4)  
  
*****  
  
It's getting late. Xiaran must be getting hungry. I promised that I'd cook him dinner tonight.  
  
I already did what I came for, and now I must go and start my life anew.  
  
I must go and heal.  
  
Time for my last goodbye, then.  
  
I won't make this any more dramatic than it already is. Just two simple words.  
  
Goodbye, love.   
  
We may never be together anymore in this lifetime, but there are other lifetimes where I could look forward to sharing with you again. Other longer lifetimes, where losing you would be impossible.  
  
I want to kiss you, you know that. Even for the very last time. But your situation won't permit me to. All I can do is hold out my hand, close my eyes, and dream.   
  
About you.   
  
I will still dream about you.   
  
And I truly hope that, wherever you are, you would still dream about me, too.  
  
Your grave stone's muddy already. I'll go and see the undertaker on my way out to talk to him about replacing this marble. I've told Onii-san time and time again that getting the black one was much more practical.  
  
Please don't expect me to come and visit you any time soon.  
  
I need to wallow in my own misery for a while, and start the long process of forgetting. But I'll ask Wei to take Xiaran to see you tomorrow.  
  
In the meantime, I must go.  
  
Again, I've never loved anyone as much as I loved--as much as I LOVE--you.  
  
Goodbye, Sakura.  
  
I will forever miss you.  
  
=OWARI=  
  
==I may or may not put up a prequel for this story. Y'know, how Sakura died and everything. I already have an idea or two in my head, but for you guys to actually see it uploaded, you'll have to convince me. Plead, wheedle, whine, grovel, I don't care. Just give me a perfectly acceptable reason. Whoever gives me the most satisfying reason will have the priviledge of reading through the first three chapters of 'Back Through Time', the much-awaited sequel to 'Destiny'. Does the prize sound good enough? I hope so.  
  
FOOTNOTES:  
  
1. I seem to have forgotten who sang this. Whoever he is, he deserves all the credit. The song's title is 'Heaven Knows'.  
  
2. Filipino bands rock! That's all I can say. I suggest that you download this song from the Net and try to see for yourself how great OPM music really is. (The title of the song, by the way, is 'Before I Let You Go' by Freestyle, from their debut album.)  
  
3. 'The Hardest Thing', 98 degrees  
  
4. Sarah McLachlan's 'Do What You Have to Do' from her album, Surfacing.  
  
==Like it? Hate it? Let me know! 


End file.
